Where are kids accessing Group Chats these days?

Native SMS, Snap Chat group chats, IG group chats and all day at school via Google (Gmail/Chat).

Are there helpful group chats?

In middle school, some kids use chats for group projects and sports team coordination

What causes the most anxiety?

FOMO, mis-reading tone, and the non-stop notifications (Maddie gave an example of a rising 7th grade chat with probably 100+ kids and 100+ messages per day at times)

Should parents monitor chats?

After hearing from Maddie and Jill, I recommend 3 stages of monitoring:

1 - Elementary - parents know all passwords, parents check chats periodically, no devices in bedrooms (good to keep them together in the kitchen or a main room)

2 - Early Middle - child knows parents may check a chat, parent reviews less often but random, set clear behavior expectations with clear consequences

3 - High School - trust & conversations, problem solving not policing

*Maddie gave a great note: kids won't mind as much if their parents are clear that they are monitoring, vs not setting clear expectations, which could lead to fights later.

Parent Monitoring Options: Bark, Qustodio (Maddie's family uses this), Canopy (3rd party apps that require a paid subscription and monitor phone use - most of them have strong screen time controls, app blocking, web filtering, location tracking, real-time explicit image filtering, strong AI detection, etc)

What do we do if bullying happens?

Maddie has a great story about bullying in her elementary group chat (watch the recording around the 31 minute mark).  Her parents handled it very well - took screenshots and addressed it with the school and other parents who were involved.  The school counselor was also very helpful.

I will also mention that bullying with kids is as old as time.  Without texting/chats, at least it can stay at school.  With them, it follows them home and can become 24/7.

How do we say NO when everyone else is on it?

Maddie believes most kids these days know that different kids have different rules with screens, phones and texting - and they are for the most part very understanding.  Jill said that since the bell-to-bell ban last year, phone use seems to have decreased significantly in Middle School, resulting in less overall pressure on the kids to engage in it.  Parents set the rules and stick to them. 

Overall thoughts on entering the world of Group Chats:

1 - Kids need to be taught how to engage (ie - never send pictures, assume everything sent will be seen by your mom or principal, there is no "tone" in texting, etc)

2 - Serious consequences can result from group chats, leading to long-lasting outcomes

3 - Almost all middle schoolers are chatting almost constantly on their school laptops.  I'm not here to say if that's a good thing or bad thing, but I think it's important for parents to know that it's happening.

4 - Chatting devices should stay in a common area of the home overnight!  Kids need sleep, maybe more than anything.

5 - 1-to-1 texting is the best option, if you allow it, but kids can really have issues with bigger chat groups (non-stop notifications, higher risk of mistakes,etc).  Having more than three or four children should be carefully considered.